Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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