Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's shark week go big or go home
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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