where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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