this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
