I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
