Whatcha textin bout Willis?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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