you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
