I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
