Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
