hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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