Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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