she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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