do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
