i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
