Princesses don't give blow jobs
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
