LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
