What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
