Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have already put on my inside pants.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize