Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
