even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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