I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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