Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
