Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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