I look better un-naked...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
