And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im six kinds of drunk right now
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
