happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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