so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
