fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
