Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
