i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
