I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
