I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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