If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
