Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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