I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
