It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
