mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
