I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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