God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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