You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
