all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
