Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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