She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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