Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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