Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
