where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
