im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
