im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
