The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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