I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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