how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
