i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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