i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
