My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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