duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
