You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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