i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
