i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
