I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
