It's a beautiful day for a hangover
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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