he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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