I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
