and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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