you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Come on in and take your pants off
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