So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
