Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
