That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
