i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
