Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This is the high leading the old right now
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
