The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
