he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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