We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
