my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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