Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
