Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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