I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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