your room smells of hookers.
And success
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
