My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Terrible idea I love it
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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