Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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