After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
