You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
