If i come over, it means nothing
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The beer is more important than you right now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
