it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
