I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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