That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
