My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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