i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
