Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
