Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
