non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
