im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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