I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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