her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
