It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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