obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize