Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
