Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
